ToolsOfPeace.com

When we see ourselves failing in our parenting, it's important to forgive ourselves immediately. Not forget, not stop looking to change our behavior or attitude but, forgive.
I'd been out of balance and trying to let go. In clearing out an area of my studio, I literally uncovered a mirrored tile from many years ago.On the tile I'd written:

Smudge neglected on the mirror of forgiveness,
Cloud hands circle gently,
I watch it disappear.

With synchronicity, came the self acceptance I'd been looking for.

Discovered that the inner urgency, that compelled me to judge my chosen efforts and find them lacking, was ancient history pushing against modern choice. My friend Coach Dayton suggested I use my puppets to work out the struggle. I used a witch puppet as my Inner Tyrant.  As I exaggerated her words and gestures, my daughter's visiting cat playfully  nudged the puppet. Soon both puppet and cat were rolling around my studio. And I was laughing out loud for the first time all day.
Some days you have to exaggerate rather than contain your Inner Tyrant. And in doing so, keep her from acting out on your kids or ruining a lovely foggy day.

This morning's first response to disappointment was to pick up my proverbial marbles and go home. As I was home, I decided to use the energy of disappointment and create something new. I've been exploring breath in it's infinite manifestations, I began there.
I inhaled my connection to limitless choices. I exhaled my disappointment.  As I continued, an image of my much younger self appeared, jumping up and down and yelling, "It's not fair!"
I wanted to agree with her but, practiced reflective listening on myself:. validating her feelings and encouraging her to speak on what wasn't fair. It wasn't long before, feeling deeply heard, she began to deeply breathe with me.
Practicing on ourselves the techniques of emotional coaching that we use with our own children, helps parents manage their emotions, as well.

A reader asked me to expand on my comment regarding the appropriateness of a playful state of mind. To me, it's about when you decide to express your playfulness and to whom. Only you can make those decisions, knowing the circumstances.
An attitude of playfulness can move us through many seemingly serious situations. It takes nothing away from the firm and serious parents we also need to be. It provides balance. And great enjoyment, whether expressed or kept to ourselves.

Talking to a coaching buddy about the weekly accomplishments I was feeling good about. I'd been creating a list in my journal that was easily accessible.
He suggested turning my list into a screen saver on my pc.
Pink evidence based text slowly rolling across my  purple screen catches my eye and makes me smile. And those Inner Negative Voices are a little quieter.

Parenting young children can draw out a playful state of mind as we engage in games and fun activities. At times, bringing out your Inner Child may not be as developmentally appropriate as actually being a child.
I hadn't realized how egocentric I was being until I began to write about how hard the universe had to work this morning to get me moving in the direction of my intentions. I wrote:Three separate flocks of parrots had to fly into my neighborhood, which is a long way from their usual territory, to wake me up today. One flock almost swiped my windows. And while creating great excitement in my housebound cat., I was moved only as far as the coffee.
But, after a park walk and three sets of tai chi, I was ready to sit down and write.

Parenting Children is an amazing journey. And like any journey that lasts more than three days, there are times when the road may be obscured by fog. On days when I wake up with thick, low-hanging fog before my eyes, the day 40 of summer in San Francisco kind of fog, I know what to do. I call up my Inner Comic.
Like many performers, she is often sleeping in. I don't wake her. No need for two grouchy perspectives.
I simply suggest that during the day, she alert me to funny or unusual ways of looking at life. She never fails to point out a hilarious conversation on the bus, Nature's delightful wonders, or a fresh way to view myself. Once I'm laughing at myself, I know I've made it through the fog.

Our parents, as our first teachers, modeled both the good and the not -so- good aspects of parenting. At times, when I find myself reacting to my (adult) child in patterned ways, I have a choice. I can keep the behavior and thinking behind it, or edit it out.
Awareness allows us to become the parents we always wanted. And offer who we are now, as parents and people, to our children.

Parenting children often brings up a stream of worries. I wonder if there is something encoded in our DNA where worry=love.
A worry box is my physical container for the stream of worries that surface. I have a little ceramic box where I place brief written slips of my worries. Once recognized and placed inside the box, I attempt to detach from it. I let the Worry Box worry for me.
Opening the lid today, I picked one out at random. I was pleased to find that a particular Worry, with a capital w, had not come to be. I felt uplifted. I'm smiling as I write this.