Parenting Children: Who Knew It Could Be Such Fun
by Elyse Jacobs

As a small child, I loved spending the night at Nana's home in Brooklyn. She always greeted me with excitement then immediately took me to the butcher shop on Avenue U for our special treat of baby lamb chops and chicken livers. She'd bring these to the table with a whole bag of fritos and announce: "Let's have a party." After dinner, she brought out the cards and our games began. She might have been able to beat a 4 year old at canasta but, I was a wiz at war and go fish.

Every night with Nana was a party. I used to think it was the special fare but in later years realized it was her delight in seeing me, being with me and playing with me that created the ambiance. Nana loved me and expressed this in her joy of being with me. I always knew I was loved.

Years later, when I became a parent, I remember my dad telling a friend what a great parent I was. What stood out in his telling was the emphasis on how much I enjoyed parenting my preschooler. It was the memory of being with Nana that shaped my own experience as a parent.

Here are 5 Top Tips I learned from Nana:

1. Take care of yourself first. 
Prepare by taking care of yourself. We've all heard the analogy of putting your own oxygen mask on first when on a plane, then secure that of your child. If you don't know yourself and your needs, it is unlikely you'll be ready for engaging well with your child. It may be hard to be present. Giving yourself 5 minutes alone when you come home, a quick walk around the block or having a cup of hot tea may prepare the way for quality time with your preschooler.

2. Expect to be amazed and delighted by your preschooler. Stay open for those opportunities to experience the way they think or interesting phrasing of verbal expressions. Learn all you can about who this little person is by observing them at play. I am consistently amazed at how deeply and diversely young children think.

3. Play together in a field of mutual interest. I have suggestions for Our-time. Mutual interest is vital. Pretending to like what your child enjoys, or controlling the time spent together with your choice just won't work. Find something you love to do together.

4. Show your delight! Expressing your interest, enjoyment and delight non verbally through body language, smiles and laughter or verbally opens the door to communication and further delight.

I often write down expressions and wisdom from the preschoolers I work with and hang them up. Days later the children come back to their words and have me read them. At other times they'll point out their thoughts to other children at very appropriate times. They become the teachers of their peers or siblings.

5. Share your delight with others. Whether it's a partner, family member of friend, it's fun to share good news. While we often express our frustrations and worries about parenting to others, remember to share the delight and wonder, as well. You'll draw out similar anecdotes from others. Spreading good news about young children and the joy of parenting makes the world a more enjoyable place.


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