It's Not My Fault My Parents Are Divorcing! Or is It?
Young children often lose their footing when the D-word hits the solidity of their home. Even those whose parents fight in front of them, can be overwhelmed rather than relieved when they learn that their parents are separating or divorcing.
They are filled with questions: Is it my fault? Is it something I did? Is it something I didn't do? What can I do to make them come back together? And the saddest aspect of their thoughts is that they may not have the words or feel it is all right to actually question their parents.
Instead of asking and getting reassurance from a parent, children who feel the separation is their fault may: begin acting out, try to be 'perfect, become depressed or withdrawn. As program director of Kids' Turn, an agency that provides families with skills to ease through family reorganization, I have witnessed self-blame in more children than you could imagine. Our leaders have heard the children express self blame with varying degrees of shame and sadness.
Here are 5 tips to help your child know it's not their fault.
1. Be proactive. Don't be afraid to find out that your child, who is seemingly unaffected by the divorce, actually blames him or herself.
2. Separate your own feelings of guilt or self-blame from your child's so that you will be able to listen to them without becoming defensive.
3. Children often attempt to protect their parents by not showing how they are actually impacted. Let your child know you are the grown up. You can take care of yourself, and the child as well.
4. What your child most needs to hear: "It is never the child's fault. And your parents will always take care of you.
5. Repeat this often, even when your child tells you that "I know that already!"
Children are resilient and can move forward into a newly reorganized family. But, they will need assistance. You will need to put aside your own feelings and concerns during a stressful time and be the best parent you can be. Reassuring your child that the separation is not his/her fault is an essential first step.
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Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Elyse_Jacobs
They are filled with questions: Is it my fault? Is it something I did? Is it something I didn't do? What can I do to make them come back together? And the saddest aspect of their thoughts is that they may not have the words or feel it is all right to actually question their parents.
Instead of asking and getting reassurance from a parent, children who feel the separation is their fault may: begin acting out, try to be 'perfect, become depressed or withdrawn. As program director of Kids' Turn, an agency that provides families with skills to ease through family reorganization, I have witnessed self-blame in more children than you could imagine. Our leaders have heard the children express self blame with varying degrees of shame and sadness.
Here are 5 tips to help your child know it's not their fault.
1. Be proactive. Don't be afraid to find out that your child, who is seemingly unaffected by the divorce, actually blames him or herself.
2. Separate your own feelings of guilt or self-blame from your child's so that you will be able to listen to them without becoming defensive.
3. Children often attempt to protect their parents by not showing how they are actually impacted. Let your child know you are the grown up. You can take care of yourself, and the child as well.
4. What your child most needs to hear: "It is never the child's fault. And your parents will always take care of you.
5. Repeat this often, even when your child tells you that "I know that already!"
Children are resilient and can move forward into a newly reorganized family. But, they will need assistance. You will need to put aside your own feelings and concerns during a stressful time and be the best parent you can be. Reassuring your child that the separation is not his/her fault is an essential first step.
t
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Elyse_Jacobs
