Preschoolers Resolve Their Own Conflict

Conflict in preschoolers is developmentally appropriate. Children of this age are egocentric. They want what they want when they want it. Other children's needs are not usually their concern. But, could they be? Is empathy and compassion possible in preschoolers? Can preschool children be encouraged to think and act beyond what is often thought possible?

What began as an experiment a quarter of a century ago, in a small preschool in San Francisco, has grown into a model of what preschoolers are capable of. They can be encouraged to find solutions for problems where everybody wins. They can feel empathy for their classmates and peers.

25 years ago, the idea was planted in the mind of a puppeteer and parent for an artist residency in a neighborhood preschool and develop a program where children worked together to solve their problems. The more far reaching hope was that a peaceful world begins with the children themselves. If young children could learn to resolve their issues, they might grow into adults who would do the same. And in the process of growing would touch others and spread the ideas of working together to resolve conflict.

Using puppetry, art materials and the premise that peace making among preschoolers was possible, a program began to develop. The puppets were used to act out the children's own behavior with each other. Scenarios of how to enter play, to include rather than exclude, and identify everyones' feelings were essential parts of the program.

It expanded into small groups of children working with open ended materials, loose parts, and using colored tape to make connections. In the process of art-making, they connected beyond the materials. They connected to each other. To each others ideas and feelings and differences. They connected to themselves. They discovered what they liked and how to deal with what surfaced while they were learning new skills.

When conflicts would inevitably arise, the problem was identified. The children were then encouraged to explore potential solutions until all the children involved felt satisfied. Adult facilitation or assistance was always available.

If a child was hurt physically or emotionally, compassion was encouraged with a simple, "Are you all right. If help was needed: an ice pack, a back rub, the offending child would offer help without feeling blamed. The child who was hurt was encouraged to speak aloud how he/she felt and what was wanted.

"That hurt when you pushed me. I don't want you to push me again."

Sometimes the adult would point to the child's facial gesture or tears and ask, "How do you think he's feeling?" The hurt child would respond to the answers. Attention was paid but, not blame.

With repetition, over time, the children became quite skillful and inventive in solving their conflicts. As long as it worked for all the children involved, no intervention was necessary. It wasn't theadult's job to suggest that joint custody of a collaborative project might become tiresome. It was not the solution but, the process of working together for the good of all that was important.

And in life, isn't this true as well. In a more peaceful world that would be a criteria.



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